Where's This Going?

More than anything right now, I'm struggling with so much doubt about myself.

I know I have developed this hard shell that keeps me from really loving people and being "the encourager" that I so desperately want to be. When you're not exposed to a whole lot of encouragement for the majority of your life and have more of the "tough love" approach constantly reinforced in you, it consumes you. It seems like I fall so short of everything a Bible study leader should be, and at times I don't feel like I'm even a decent teacher let alone friend/encourager. How the heck do I deal with this??

Prayer, I suppose.

Dearest Abba, Father, Lord, You are so amazing and beautiful and inconceivably powerful that you never cease to astound and leave me awestruck. As you know, this year is breaking me, I can feel it cutting through my body and just tearing me apart, piece by piece. Lord, You have been consistently and constantly exposing me to ways that I seriously fall short of Your glory, and it's painful and heartbreaking. I want You to rebuild me into a pillar of light, a shining reflection of You and the being that You created me to be. There is no other reason for my existence here on Earth other than to worship you and share your love and power with the lost that surround me. I pray that you may never let me forget this!

Amen