My Heart is Screaming This Isn't Okay

Even though I have a ton of homework I need to do, I feel like I really need to say some things that have been sincerely bothering me the past couple of months. A lot of what I say might not make a lot of sense or seem to be related to each other, but these thoughts have been swimming around in my mind and to me they are all interrelated.

Lately I have been truly struggling with trying to understand why all the girls around me base so much of their life and self-worth on the concept of being married in the future. I mean, SO many of them. I've heard many different thoughts and fears of maybe never finding the right man and being single forever, and for some being single is so utterly crushing that they are lost for words as to what they would do with their life. Maybe it's just because I've never had a real boyfriend before, but I really just don't care if I'm single for the rest of my life. I'm not sure if it's just selfishness or not, but I like the idea of having the freedom to float wherever I choose and let God lead me down the path that ultimately furthers his Kingdom the most. Not to say that I think there is something wrong with girls wanting a relationship, but it just doesn't make sense to me why they feel so much need for one, especially those who have a relationship with God. Certainly I can think of logical reasons for this need, but I guess I just don't identify with those reasons in my own life.

Companionship is definitely a logical reason for marriage, and also the whole idea of producing a family, but I don't think that your life is necessarily wasted or just plain pointless without it. You can do so much with the life you're given, and why not make the most of every second of it? If God has a special man cross your path, then so be it. But if he doesn't, that shouldn't define your attitude towards life and how happy you are. It just seems like too many girls completely center their worlds around guys, and when they don't end up with one they are dejected and devastated. Hmmm....

In H340 today we were talking about separating classes by gender, and the more we talked about it the more it really seemed to make sense, especially for middle school. That is when most girls experience a significant drop in self esteem and self worth, oftentimes resulting from interactions with guys and the social hierarchy of girls that stems from who gets the most attention from guys. If students were separated by gender, they would get the opportunity to really experience an increase in their confidence and be more willing to explore nontraditional courses for certain genders like boys might be more likely to pursue drama and the arts and girls to pursue more science and math. One might think this perspective is archaeic and that this problem is a thing of the past, but the truth is it still hasn't been completely resolved. Although there might be a representation of both genders in these courses, when you look at the students' continued studies there are still majorities and minorities. Anyways, I just found that really interesting because I know that middle school was a really rough time for me, and if I'd had the opportunity to be in gender-separated classes I would have been more than willing to take part.